Off-the-Cuff & On the Record: White-Washed Pride

There is not much on my mind right now. The deep, soulful voice of Otis Redding has gripped my spirits and arrested my brain. He is a master of Southern Soul, of the jazzy-bluesy ballad. A true master.

I think I've seen a couple movies recently that I've forgotten to talk about. I'm not going to bother trying to remember them because I don't think they were worth reviewing. That's not to say that they were bad movies, it's only to say that I can't come up with anything particularly unique to say about them.

People have pointed out to me that I'm not "very Asian." In other words, I'm "white-washed." Now, I remember getting fairly mad about being called white-washed once back in 10th grade. I found it insulting, and it was meant to be insulting, I believe. I've always carried somewhat of an identity crisis throughout my life, being an American-born Chinese person - you know, the kind of identity crisis that people write fantastic college essays about (something I probably should have done instead of my, uh, "experiment"). The kind of identity crisis where I'm always going to feel like a foreigner whether I'm in America or China. All that "no-homeland" bullshit. I carried that sense with me, ever since kindergarten. So when I was called white-washed in 10th grade, I wasn't sure how to respond, except in anger/frustration/offense. I felt like it was yet again another sign that I would never belong anywhere on this earth.

And now? Now, I'm proud to be white-washed. I'm glad I'm not very Asian. I embrace being an American with a Chinese face. Whites can tell me I'm not really American. Asians can call me white-washed. Mexicans can mock me chinito and pull at the corners of their eyes. Blacks can think I'm Japanese. I don't really care. I don't want to be anything but who I already am right now, which is a natural citizen of the United States of America, with Chinese-born parents who are also American citizens, and who despises and defies the "Asian-American" culture that likes to spike/dye their hair, drive souped-up "Rice Rockets" and listen to Korean pop music. I like white music. I like European cars. I like my hair long and ungelled. I like NOT flashing the peace sign when I'm taking pictures. I like white-people food like cheeseburgers. I like white-people TV and white-people movies. I hate watching Cantonese soap operas. I hate all soap operas, actually. I don't wear anything from Banana Republic or Armani Exchange (or Abercrombie & Fitch on the other hand, for that matter). I am glad and proud that I am/am not these things. I think the "Asian-American" culture I've been describing is stupid and boring and often superficial. I enjoy white culture. I don't care what other people think I should like or what other people think I should be. I'm just David Xilong Liu.

And I simply "belong" wherever I am.