"It's So Easy" by Buddy Holly

So doggone easy...

"The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra

If you aren't in love with Frank Sinatra, you are not a human being. I'm not gay, and even I'm in love with him. What a voice. What a charmer. I would rather be Sinatra (or rather, the persona that Sinatra is singing with) than James Bond. And I used to be obsessed with being James Bond. Sinatra knows where it's at.

"In My Room" by the Beach Boys

Things that occurred to me today or were brought to my attention by others:

- The Penn campus is extraordinarily apathetic. You'd be surprised at how many people don't want to end violence against women. Bunch of rich, spoiled, Ivy League brats.
- I am in love with music.
- Some people just kill me.
- On one end of the spectrum are people who spend all their minutes and hours before an exam studying, without giving their brain time enough to make sense of it all. One the other end is me, spending most of my minutes and hours before an exam giving my brain a lot of time to make sense of the very little that I studied. A balance is best in this situation, the Buddhist Middle Way.
- I eat slowly after math exams. Math exams ruin my appetite.
- I am living in a teenage wasteland.
- I used to be a lot more "together" in high school. I get out-of-sorts a lot more easily for some reason here. I don't know what happened to my composure, my nonchalance, my aplomb. Now things tend to confuse me or confound me, or leave me without an adequate response. Where has my self-assurance gone?
- Lately, it's like I've been walking a tightrope.
- I like circus music. I like polka. I like circus music in polka.
- I miss Alaska, for some reason. It was only two weeks this summer that I spent there, but what a beautiful world... the sun shone for twenty hours a day... What a beautiful world...
- I walk with more weight on my shoulders than a young boy of 18 should be carrying. I haven't had a moment to myself in the sun since 10th grade. Only music and the wanderings of my mind can take me there now.
- I am all too predictable. I can see myself coming from a mile away. I saw my mom coming from a mile away. See? I knew I was going to say that.
- I should take control, even though I'm never in control.
- In an iterated integral, the corresponding limits of integration need to be switched if the order of integration is to be switched.
- Some of the things happening in Anna Karenina are happening to me right now in my own life. I wish I could deal with things the way Vronsky does. But as a character in a novel, he has the assurance that the rest of the novel still exists for things to happen. My novel could end tomorrow. Is that enough to arrest me from action?
- I stay up too late, and when I stay up too late, I write too much, and when I write too much, I start to sound depressing, and when I start to sound depressing, people think I am too dramatic about things and that I stay up too late. Going to bed would just be so much easier if I were of that ilk, if that were my constitution.
- This list is stupid. I'm making up things as I go along. I should stop.

"Tender" by Blur

Music makes me happy. Particularly 80's music. Cheesy, bad 80's music. Ah, bliss.

Being awake until it starts getting light outside, for three nights in a row... now that is not so blissful. But I suppose it is sublime in its own, tortured way.

Tender is the night.

Closed On Sundays

Today was going to be a new beginning. I was going to get my head shaved. I was going to do it because my mullet thing looked ridiculous. There was also something about defying the whole notion of appearance, image, and personality. But mostly because it looked ridiculous. I was ready. I had $20 in my wallet. I knew three places I could go to.

But alack! All was woe! All were closed! Closed on Sundays! You can't imagine the frustration, my friend. The agony! It was like falling in love with a beautiful girl named Lola only to take her home, slip her skirt off, and discover she was a man! Utter defeat! So my hair continues to grow, second by second, nanometer by nanometer. I will have to wait at least another day. But will I have the same resolve? Will I be as strong in conviction tomorrow as I was today? These questions are unanswerable. Or rather, they are answerable only by one person, and that is Father Time. Father Time lets all things be known eventually. Even the day of your death.

Death! What a mysterious notion!

Mystery! How vexing for the mind!

The mind! Such a wonderful thing!

Things! What a materialistic world we live in today!

Today! I wasted so much time today walking, and eating, and browsing for used Bob Dylan CD's! I watched Fire today, an Indian movie about lesbians! It was good! I liked it! A little slow-paced though! But that's OK! I still need to start - yes, START - studying for the mathematics midterm tomorrow! Except I can't do that immediately, because I need to do a chemistry laboratory write up, and a pre-laboratory assignment as well! Also due tomorrow! Everything due tomorrow! Everything done tonight!

Tonight! I am doing well on all other accounts! Except for a little IBS this morning! Irritable Bowel Syndrome! It can strike at any time! There is no cure, only control! Our biggest wish is to educate the ignorant public on this grave, unfortunate disease! Please be understanding of this condition!

Just kidding. I don't have IBS. But we should learn to be tolerant. It can strike at any time, after all, without regard to age, sex, or race. You could get IBS tomorrow.

Sorry about all the exclamation points. I'll make up for it somehow. Next time, I'll stop using punctuation all together. In fact, I'll end this post on that note

Anna Karenina, etc.

I find myself relating to both Stepan Oblonsky and Konstantin Levin. They are polar opposites. I am afraid I seem manic-depressive to the objective observer.

Amnesty International took up more time than it was supposed to today. Consequently, I nearly stayed up in High Rise North's Rooftop Lounge until the sunrise while reading Anna Karenina. It's a good book. The characters are all fascinating, even if most of them are snooty high-society types. It's just going to take way too much time to read. And I am simply required to read too much of it too soon. I need to average about sixty pages per day to finish in time. Lunacy.

I haven't had black coffee at night in a long time, and yet I continue to stay up so late. I am destined to develop peptic ulcers and die early... unless I increase my dosage of chewing gum, coffee, and Slim Jims! Ah, yes, those things will keep me alive! They will carry me to 100 years of age! And beyond!

It's hard to have a sense of humor when you know that everyone you know in the entire world is asleep.

The Ladykillers

Tom Hanks probably turns in the quirkiest performance of his career in this one. I was convinced the whole time. Not once did I think of Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, or (shudder) Cast Away. while watching him play a nervous, poetry-reciting Classicist. Of more note to me, however, was the cinematography. I enjoyed this movie's cinematographic style very much. It actually reminded me of the old, iconic-eyed Tim Burton in some parts. The script itself moves along well enough, although some of the banter gets old. Overall, it was quite funny, but perhaps I was only laughing because the packed theater howled at every scene change. I'm not sure if I would have laughed as much if I had just been watching it by myself in my room. Marlon Wayans regresses unfortunately from his powerful performance in Requiem for a Dream.

"The End" by the Beatles

I tried not writing. And then I tried writing in secret. But when I was forced to get rid of everything, because my parents found out, well I simply couldn't take that. I had to delete three years of cyberspace biography. It was difficult but it had to be done. It was something I thought I had as a way of escaping from the oppression of my parents. But then they found out today that I had "a webpage." So I got rid of all of them. They're all gone now. Huge chunks of my life are gone. I couldn't take it anymore. I was OK with not writing. I am not OK with there being nothing there. That, I can not deal with. I need to create. I need to create anew. I must face a simple fact. I am addicted to writing in online journals. They are the only things I can do without going insane or being loud when it's this late at night - when I should be sleeping instead of using my brain to ponder the meaning of meaninglessness. So here are random thoughts that have occurred to me this week:

The Lakers are going to win the championship this year. I can feel it. At least four people are going to owe me $5. Dumb-asses. Why do people continue to insist on being so blind to the irrepressible, omnipotent glory of the storied Los Angeles Lakers? Why do they fool and delude themselves into thinking a really crappy and ugly team like the Sacramento Kings can win anything but an ugly contest? God, I hate the Kings. They're so ugly. I can't stand them.

I need a change. I need to shake things up. I need a cure for ennui. I wonder if it's possible to go out to parties without drinking at all. Is there a point to that? I should find out.

Where are all the "classic rock" girls at Penn? I've met only one who is in love with the Beatles, and she's a junior studying abroad from Scotland. Another's favorite band is the Clash. And that's it! All the other girls I meet like boy bands and crap.

How much significance is there in having common interests? Would I enjoy someone's company better if they liked British classic rock and Charlie Kaufman films? I have some friends who's company I enjoy very much who aren't into that stuff at all. So why do I look for it all the time? Is there any substantial significance in it?

I am excited about majoring in Nanoscale Materials Science & Engineering. I think nanotechnology is fascinating. I think it has a real potential to transform - nay, revolutionize - our economy. Our entire economy. There's a lot of hype around it, of course, but it's perfectly justified. The hype is right.

The food in 1920 Commons sucks. Always.

Everyone writes so poorly these days.

I write so poorly.

I should sleep.