Chili J. Rhodes

I found a turtle today in some Fort Worth nature preserve place-a-ma-jig. I took him home, and he is having fun in the bathtub right now. This was probably illegal, but I don't care because turtles are the AWESOMEST animals EVER. I have named him Chili J. Rhodes. "Chili" because he seems like he likes to chill a lot, especially in dark places, and also because he's got red chili pepper tattoos on either side of his face (hardcore!) "Rhodes" because I found him on the side of the road, and also because he looks quite old and therefore distinguished and therefore a nineteenth century British colonialist in South Africa after whom the Rhodes Scholarship is named after. "J." so that he could have the same initials as said nineteenth century British colonialist, Cecil John Rhodes. The "J." doesn't stand for anything, a la Homer Simpson. I'm giving him back to nature on Monday, when I fly back to Philly because he's a little too big to fly with, I think. He's also a bit snappy and cranky when he has to go on extended trips. But for the weekend, I have a pet. He's Mr. Rhodes to you, because he's probably older than all of us. He's probably like fifty.