Before I disappear off of this planet temporarily due to a swirling vortex of 4 ungodly midterms this week, let me indulge myself with these thoughts twain:
1) There is an unhappy person deep inside of me, and he has surfaced to the top. I am unhappy. There are many things I'd like to have erased from my memory, from my history. I need a complete change of identity. I'd like to start a plot twist in the novel of my life right about now.
But I can't. Why? Because I will always be constrained by the way all the people around me have already pegged me. I will always be the person people think I am because what is reality but the simple perception of it? What is reality but what people think it is (The Matrix)? I am not a concept (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), but I am something worse: I have become a preconception. I am no longer a person with my particular set of interests. I am my interests. This is death. And this is the source of my unhappiness--my death.
I am no more and no less than what you think of me. Yes, you. All of you. All of you reading right now. Including myself.
I know my unhappiness is serious because not even my music is working to cheer me up anymore. Mmmbop.
2) And now for a moment of complete wisdom and clarity, which struck me in the middle of Materials Science class, no less: Do not waste time with jealousy or envy. Your time is better spent going out, seeking and doing what it is you want and desire--for even if you fail, you will gain much, and you will have lived as full a life as any man.
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3 comments:
Typo. We really need to go snowboarding or shooting and let you free yourself. Listen to Santa Monica, or some Miles Davis.
A bit of sadness in the corner of your eye, I see. Bloody hell.
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