Blogspotting

Chewing Gum, Coffee, and Slim Jims were vacationing in Edinburgh, Scotland when a group of low-life, anonymous Blogspotters attacked and killed the three of them with knife slashes to the face and body Tuesday evening, apparently in a dispute over money.

Chewing Gum reportedly bled to death on the sidewalk before ambulances could arrive, uttering the last words, "We should have stayed in England."

Coffee and Slim Jims were immediately rushed to Mother Superior's Foodstuff's Hospital downtown for emergency treatment. On the way there, Coffee was allegedly heard to get into an argument with the ambulance driver over Henry James before going into shock and passing away minutes later.

Slim Jims arrived at the hospital, immediately hitting on nurses trying to treat his wounds, explaining how he tried to heroically shield his other two friends from the attackers. He was also overheard complaining about Edinburgh's "fucking heroin problem." He stayed in the Intensive Care Unit for three hours before finally passing away, whispering the last words, "Scotland is shite."

A small, private funeral is planned for close friends and family members.

Local residents in Paris, France, have reported that ghosts fitting their exact descriptions have been haunting a bluish-colored blog...